Hello, ancient blog!
I’m just plunging right in after my long hiatus; as I write this I don’t remember when I last posted. I’d like to check back to see, but I won’t, since that’s sure to throw me off task. *Awards self Gold Star for deflecting ADD trap*
I did read some of my old posts a couple of days ago, right after I decided it was time to renew my effort to remember how to get in here and post. (The basic source of my confusion, by the way, was a new computer that didn’t have the site bookmarked).
I’m really glad I did document some of those early-journey days…things have changed since then, ADD-wise. They’ve settled into various grooves, one after another.
Acceptance…for a while.
Then – well, not quite denial so much as hitting the Ignore button. That was partly due to a nasty GI mystery that took off 5 pounds and shifted my focus from brain to body. Since I’d been fine on the Vyvanse, we were pretty sure it wasn’t the cause of my troubles, so I continued to take it on schedule, but otherwise didn’t give the ADD business much thought. I stopped reading the self-help books, I stopped going to Totally ADD and just tried to Get Stuff Done. That worked…for a while.
As my bowels calmed down, I began noticing my brain was pretty irritable a lot of the time, and my ADD doctor noticed I had a very slight tremor in my hands, so we backed down on the Vyvanse dosage (I was at 70). 10 mg less didn’t seem to change much, so at the next appointment I asked to go down another 10.
In the middle of all this dosage adjusting I hurt my back shoveling snow. That meant a bunch of other meds and moods to deal with. Perhaps not the best time to go fiddling with my Vyvanse dosage. For a while I got monstrously depressed, to the point where I didn’t even know whether my back was doing better because that would have involved getting up off the couch. I finally resorted to a bit of self-medicating, in the form of some Prozac I’d been prescribed for PMS to take on an as-needed basis. I started taking one every day…really what I did was kind of slide from the PMS days over into the next month, and then on through the next PMS cycle. Now that the period’s here (this has to rate as the most TMI post in the blog) I’m stopping the Prozac. Also because my bowels seem to be acting up again.
OK, that’s the end of the TMI part, I hope. I only wrote all that down to remind myself what brought me here at this moment, since I’ve been meaning and wanting to write any sort of blog anything for the last….well, However Long It Was Since Last Post. So to sum up, three things. No, four. (Not including Bright Red Outfits).
Going down to 50 mg – perhaps I need to have a certain amount of ADD-ish-ness to “waste the necessary time” to write.
Being sick – Too headachy, tired, etc. this morning to accomplish the original list of tasks slated for today, which included putting my plants in the planter, folding laundry, and assembling an IKEA dresser. Because I still don’t have a handle on an appropriate amount of tasks for a given time period.
Being depressed – It’s always navel-gazing time in Depressionland!
And finally, something good: I read excerpts from my Other Blog to my daughter the other evening, and we both laughed. Perhaps for different reasons, but I’d like to think she found my sense of humor as genius as I happened to as I re-discovered all those clever life observations I’d made. Something about it inspired her to run upstairs to begin writing her own blog, which of course she plans never to let me read, but all the same, it made me think perhaps it was time to unleash a few more great thoughts, if only for the sake of personal history and personal future reading pleasure.
And there is a lot about the ADD stuff that I still want to talk about. There’s a lot that I still haven’t worked through. Worse, there’s a lot that I thought I was working through that continues to trip me up, sometimes in the literal sense (Hello, procrastinated clutter!). I’d like to start talking about it again. Because it’s dawning on me that I won’t get it all done, and it’s time for me to pick my priorities before stupid habits and other people’s needs choose them for me.
I hope to be back soon. On a regular basis, even? I hope you’ll follow along, even for a short time. Honestly, I don’t know how long I’ll keep it up. Most things I take up anew seem to last about three weeks before I move on (ADD thing, I know). However, blogging was a longstanding hobby so I don’t know if it counts as a new thing to my ADD mind or not. We’ll see.
The Brain Fog Blog 